When Clowns Attack

CHUCK SAMBUCHINO works for Writer’s Digest and edits both the Guide to Literary Agents and the Children’s Writer’s & Illustrator’s Market. His first book, How to Survive a Garden Gnome Attack, was optioned for film by Sony. Naturally, he hates clowns, and lives in a heavily fortified residence in the Midwest to avoid them. Besides that, he is a freelance editor, cover band guitarist, retro gamer, and owner of a flabby-yet-lovable dog. Connect with him at chucksambuchino.com or @chucksambuchino on Twitter.

INTRODUCTION   1
1: ASSESS   
Why Clowns Frighten People   6
The Mental Instability of Clowns   15
2: ANALYZE   
Types of Clowns   29
The Party Clown   29
The Circus Clown   30
The Street Clown   32
The Tramp or Hobo   33
The Dunking Booth Clown   34
The Cirque de Soleil “Clown”   35
Clown Anatomy   41
Hat   41
Wig   43
Face Paint   44
Nose   47
Shoes   47
Oversized Pants   50
Clown Communication & Lingo    53


3: DEFEND   
Bozo Hotspots   61
Targets for Attack   65
When Clowns Attack   73
Clown Weapons (Their Arsenal)   74
Clown Assault Tactics   83
How to Defeat a Clown   87
Clown Gangs   95
How to Escape a Clown Posse   99
4: PROTECT   
Spotting the Plainclothes Clown   106
Signs that Clowns Are Nearby   115
Protect Your Home   119
Conclusion   127
Acknowledgments   128
Photo Credits   129