For most of my life, I never imagined I'd get married. But Kate did the impossible: she changed me. I think we can all agree I was pretty frigging awesome before, but now I'm even better.

The road to this day wasn't all rainbows and boners. There were mistakes and misunderstandings worthy of a Greek tragedy. But Kate and I made it through with our inexhaustible lust, boundless admiration, and everlasting love for one another intact.

That being said, there were some unexpected incidents in Vegas last weekend that could have been a problem. It was kind of…my final test.

I know what you're thinking-what the hell did you do this time? Relax. Let's not judge, or call for my castration, until you've heard the whole story.

And hold on tight, because you're in for a wild ride. Did you expect anything less?