An examination of addiction, mental illness and domestic violence unlike any other, "ijwd" was compiled using a lifetime collection of journals, notes, photos, arrest records, hospital documents, and candid conversations with those involved in the self-destruction contained herein. As much a research project as a memoir (written by an author with a masters degree from Cal Irvine with an extensive background in research writing), details and perspective never found in domestic violence, addiction or mental health literature are recounted in a way that will relate to addicts, enlighten professionals, and educate the loved ones who watch lives fall apart. Wake up from the blackout, bloodied, bruised, in detox on a police hold. No clue. In PART 1, readers participate in the unraveling of sexual, sometimes violent intoxicated events countless addicts endure daily. This narrative puts the reader at the high point of college success, earning top-school billing as a pre-med student. Fast forward to hell, learning about an attack of domestic violence not remembered, yet completely true. Back to college and the recklessness of arrogance, pressure and subsequent drowning in all things addictive. Travel into court, facing judges and prosecutors while arranging a psychiatric hospital stay. Beginning with a sharp fall from the top, alternating with grit climbing up from rock bottom, "ijwd" is an experience, a case study of addiction told in a perspective with rare clarity in an addiction memoir. PART 1 compares top from bottom, while PARTS 2 and 3 take readers on an exploratory journey to show, not tell, but live through what could possibly derail a bright future while the soul-searching path to recovery is told through psychiatric hospital walls and a rehabilitation center. Discover the strength and courage to deal with addiction, mental illness and domestic violence. Learn about behaviors not easily described, as an accomplice in the story of how sex, drugs and alcohol impact lives. That readers may understand why sobriety is so hard to obtain, that willpower is never enough for the masses who die each day fighting the battle against all types of addiction, that one person leaves a violent relationship, those are the hopeful goals of this story.