Expanding on her viral 2018 This American Life essay of the same name--a letter to this imagined dealer--Bowers's memoir is a love letter, a diary, and a quest in search of the dealer's identity, as well as her own. Who is she without her sister? Who is she because of her sister? And what now? Bowers reflects on her shifting roles as sister and mother, examining how loss has reshaped her sense of self. Her letters to the faceless dealer are interwoven with rage, reflection, and even moments of humor as she recounts their intertwined lives alongside memories of charismatic and complex Sasha.