John Turner's life has been anything but ordinary. From almost being born in a taxicab, to accidentally murdering a kitten with a lawn mower when he was 10, to being beaten almost to death, to a decades-long battle with alcoholism, the twenty tales in Confessions of a Gimp are snapshots of John's journey during his four decades of existence. Always funny, sometimes heart-breaking, and occasionally brilliant, Confessions will make you laugh, cry, and possibly be inspired to poop your own pants.