The book describes my life of being brought up as a profoundly disturbed child in an era when Gender Dysphoria was believed to be a mental aberration of a sexually mature adult and therefore something a child would not suffer from. It describes how I was placed into care for observation, looked after for three years by the Portman clinic in london, a leading chilld clinic, survived a massive overdose of aspirin at the age of 14 and finally surving childhood to emerge as a confused, frightened adult. This adult became manically and obsessively driven to prove himself beyond all doubt better than anyone else and of course totally macho. It describes my growing confidence, my struggle to find an identity and the development into a lively, gregarious adult but one fighting to keep deep profound unhappiness supressed to subconscious levels. It describes How I nearly drove myself to destruction by the relentless driven pace i worked at, and how eventually mentally and physically I was so broken in my later years that there was nothing left in me to keep the lid on gender dysphoria resurfacing. Finally it describes the terrible struggle to accept myself as the realisation of what I was became clear and then the unconditional love and support from my wife, my sons, my friends and associates and how now I have emerged from that long and oppressively dark tunnnel into the bright light of unimaginable happiness and joy from at last being able to live as myself.. It is a story of near tragedy, of desperate struggle and finally of the joy of happiness, one shared with a partner who has shared my life through all its difficulities, a story of love overcoming everything.