My name is Ariel Ashton Duke I have a story that was once never told. I have been through a lot these past 19 years. This is a story about my life through my eyes it's basically about my life and all the experiences that I have been through and why. As I sit here thinking and wondering about my life and all I have done in my past I know that no matter what I do I can't forget the past and all the stupid shit I have done. Sitting here feeling confused, frustrated, alone and nervous. Just so afraid to let those memories get the better of me and ruin what life I have left. I mean it's like a huge crowd of people and out of all those people they pick me to pick on. My mind is rushing, my heart is pounding, my blood is flowing and my legs are sitting here throbbing, pounding, racing, excruciating pain goes up my leg and I'm just laying here taking the pain like nothing's even happening. My mind goes blank and I feel like fading why is these my options and my choices. I love him but I want to be able to have some fun to. Some memories I have are best kept secret from the world. I keep going through the pain and it's like it never changed. The dreams haven't changed they are all still the same, when will the mind torture games end it's really hurting me to no end. I got what the doctors call psychological trauma created from my childhood following me through my life. People say I was a happy child smiling all the time but what they didn't know is what went on behind my parents house door. Because a lot of bad traumatic shit happened in that house and I think God I'm out. I guess when I was a child I knew how to hide the pain. And now that I've grown up it hurt's to smile like nothing's wrong. Sometimes if I think really hard I can remember parts of my childhood and try my best to think why did that happen or was I really even happy as a child. Darkness would always fill my heart when I would walk through those JHS halls with sadness, anger, and depression. Those feelings would always fill my body. When you're the new kid in school. And in a new school that you're not used to it just isn't easy to make new friends. And having a tough ass time to try and find your way to your classrooms around those fucking big ass schools'. Because they are just always spreaded out everywhere. It's like they created a maze that makes people late to class. Every fucking time Sometimes I would just have so much fun when I would be the new kid, because I wouldn't know anybody at my new school. So I would try and be a happy person and be nice when really I have anger sitting in my heart fixing to explode on the first person that pisses me off. But it does have its down side because when you're the new kid because it's hard to talk to other people first before they talk to you. Because you don't know how they would react or what they would say. The things I do to help these people and the disrespect I get it just makes me so mad inside. Do you like treating me so bad and get what you want in the long run does that make you happy. You should throw a party and celebrate treating me like shit but keep asking me to do you numerous favors. You yell at me when I ask you for gas money, you yell at me when I take you to wear you want, and you get mad when I tell you im busy. I can't win with you, I can't do everything you want me to do, I am not your trained monkey when you say jump I don't jump I stand when you say come here now I say give me a good reason. Money and gas is not free, people work hard to get the money they got. It's not easy to get a good amount paycheck it's very hard. I have tried so hard to hold me anger in but when you get me pissed it's really hard to get me to cool down. One time when I went off basically ballistic many people have tried really hard to hold me down and when they finally got me down they basically pissed me off even more when they sat on me it pissed me off so bad I bite that person and till t