In this frank, informative, and inspirational personal story, Larry Van Essen tells about the major depression that he experienced as both a teenage caregiver of his mother and his own encounters with major depression as a pastor. Some episodes lasted four to eight weeks, while others lasted three to eighteen months. He draws on the experiences and writings of others to give weight to his own. He shares how prayer, family, the support of many friends, public worship, therapy, and medication gave strength to survive the storm and regain his health. He talks about both the negative and positive effects his illness had in his relationships, work, and spiritual walk with God. The image of "poison" comes from an article written by Dr. John Timmerman: "At the most unexpected moments it slips people its dark poison. One scarcely notices the initial sting. Slowly, insidiously, the poison spreads until the victim finds herself cut off from life by a gray veil. The monster, what Winston Churchill, a longtime sufferer called the 'Black Dog' is depression."
He visits the topics of suicide, violence on others by persons with mental illness, and the need for an integrated approach to the treatment of mental illness. The drama flows through the feelings of being forsaken by God to being held by God.