A successful Boca Raton pick up artist determined to forsake his sexuality. A princess, a promise of fellatio, and the dragon that blocks the path to both. The fall from grace of a self-pitying college pot dealer. Vaguely emotional and melodramatic youths pining for their virginal pasts. Human computers. Social disasters. Thinly veiled cries for help. In These Things Never Happen, you are shown the anxiety, the fleeting thrills, and the unrealized dreams of growing up in an existence that wavers between desperate sentimentality and senseless moral debasement.