What would you do if you suddenly realized at age 13 that you were gay? What if this occurred in 1965 in rural Alabama, one of the most unprogressive states? How do you begin to explain to your parents that you will never get married in all likelihood and never have children in an area where that is taken for granted? Ever ask yourself, how do gay people initiate contact with each other? How does a young gay man determine whether he prefers to perform a male or female sexual role? Where are your sexual outlets if you live in a small town and know no other gays in your community? Before the time of gay travel guides, how did gay men find gay bars in the cities they visited? Again in the bar setting which is where most gay men met decades ago, how do you decide whether you are passive or aggressive? Then I try to explain the hell my mother endured having her "nervous breakdown" in 1955. According to mother she woke up weeks after being admitted to the state hospital for the mentally ill. You don't know anyone - your family is over 200 miles away. And its 1955 in Tuscaloosa, Alabama. These are some of the many questions I asked while writing this memoir, a two year effort I began after driving home from my mothers funeral in 1999. I simply could not stand for her life to disappear without some record of her struggle and the unfair treatment she received. For much of her life the state hospital did provide adequate treatment. For a surprisingly long time the care she received was enough for her to improve and resume her life. I hope my book can show that we have quite a distance to go before we have successfully treated most of those with severe mental illness. In spite of pharmaceutical claims roughly 1/3 of all psychiatric patients do not currently respond to any chemical treatment. Fully one third. And so much is unknown when treatments do work... the mechanisms are just not clearly understood yet. A must read for gays, especially those from rural areas, transgendered, women, womens rights advocates, the mentally challenged, disturbed and their families, anyone interested in gays and gay civil rights, and advocates for the mentally ill. One of my many goals was to explore the world that gay youth and the mentally ill inhabit because it is beyond all doubt a very different world from the one most people take for granted. It has its own set of rules and punishments, lots of punishments and few rewards at least until you are a lot older. As a resent book for gay youth states, yes, it does get better, but for most gay youth in very rural areas that requires a permanent move to a more urban area. Older gays or gay couples may comfortably reside in rural areas when they already have a group of friends and their social needs are met.