This is a collection of essays about my misadventures. I write humorously about bad luck, being a klutz, cars that hate me, life, love and family. I've broken both ankles twice, amputated my right index finger and had it reattached. I've had the transmission fall out of a Dodge van while driving down the interstate. My teenage son wrecked my car, resulting in an E-Bay auction for the $2,000 French Fry, which caused the wreck. If I couldn't write about this stuff being funny, I'd be in a rubber room. . INCLUDES: *Not the Best Kind of Breaking News - Gravity hates me *Mechanical Mayhem - How I cut off my finger and lived to tell about it *A Roaring Fire - Boy - 1, Little Green Army Man - 0 *While My Flat-tar Gently Weeps - Square tires and bent rims *DMV - Or Diarrheal Mahatma Voodoo *Been to Hell - And Have the Lunch Receipt *The Two Thousand Dollar French Fry - E-Bay auction - TV *Halloween Memories - Pirates of Hotpants *Turkey Time Trader - To the story born