Life dies and then you suck.... Kind of. Melvin Morton loves vampires - the beauty, the power, the pop culture awesome of it all, and knows that his boring, lonely life as a night security guard in a mall would be so much better if only vampires were real. That changes when a strange, pale girl grants Melvin's wish with one accidental drop of her blood. Turns out that Hollywood lied. Melvin doesn't sparkle, he isn't handsome, and the sight of blood? Gross Fangless, blue, and utterly naive, Melvin must find a way to survive while being stalked by a shadow demon and vengeful ghosts. His un-life un-death takes a sinister turn when he stumbles into an underworld civil war where a clan of goblins want to finish killing him, and not in a good way. With the dubious assistance of a reluctant spirit guide, a voodoo priestess, and a sweet, but psychotic, best friend intent on helping him become the most awesome vampire ever, Mostly Dead Melvin has to navigate the narrow path to redemption between sorta-life and un-death, without a map, a net, or a clue. Set in the eccentric center of the Northwest, Portland, Oregon, Mostly Dead Melvin is a pop culture satire of the modern vampire mythos."