Earlier this year I weighed three hundred and forty four pounds, which made me very sad. I had managed to lose forty-six pounds in the past six months and was very happy about that. Today was the day that I would compose my novel If Not Today, Maybe Tomorrow. I knew exactly where to start. For the last thirty one years I wanted to tell my story. The story of the suffering and pain that wrecked my life, I was torn from the inside out without mercy. The agony of not knowing what happiness or love really felt like. The fear of hiding from the unknown, the panic that lived inside my body each day of my life The terror I suffer while growing up was overwhelming.