In a future BBC, the jewel in Auntie's crown is its new soap, Hackney Wick. Its predecessor, EastEnders, has been snapped up by Rupert Murdoch in a deal so profitable to both parties that it has a page of its own in the Guinness Book of Records. As EastEnders Worldwide, it is a runaway success - now that the actors have been given a crash course in cockerney at the Dick Van Dyke Academy. Back home all is change. Martin Forrest is BBC Television's Head of Rationalisation. Known - unaffectionately - as Head Rat, his victims are many and his record for undermining and dumbing down the BBC's entire output is appalling and unsurpassed. Wrinklies are out, yoof is in. News readers are young and pretty - the elephant men are now to be seen only on ITV. Head Rat must go - but who will set the trap?