For ages 12+. Eighth-grader Hank Collins has quit his Little League team because he dislikes the coach, and now his summer promises to be long and boring. His divorced parents are preoccupied -- his mother is happily smoking pot with her new husband and his father is having an affair with his secretary -- and they pay little attention to Hank. Only his stepmother (Perfect-Lady-Karen) seems to notice him, and her attentions lead to preachy Bible sermons and little else. Hank spends much of his time near the Gunpowder River, where he meets two older men who invite him to join their paintball team. He enjoys this diversion, and agrees to join them for a weekend camp-out tournament. On the excursion, Hank finds out that the two men are gay; unfortunately, so do their Christian homosexual-hating campmates, who chase them and kidnap Hank. The boy escapes, and is rescued by his English teacher, who is coincidentally driving home from a summer retreat.