An unstoppable army of Xardanian lizard warriors, seething with vengeance and armed to the fangs with swords and axes, is poised to sweep across the Core Lands - and the ancient City of Port Packham is at the top of their list of places most likely to be pillaged. When Norris Bartlett, Galvanised Tubing salesman, finds himself accidentally transported into an alternative existence, he reluctantly becomes the last hope for the Port's inhabitants. Accompanied by a beautiful Sister of the Unexplained, an irritable wizard and the world's worst treasure hunter ('Tombs Raided While-U-Wait'), Norris has to travel across the bizarre, pear-shaped world of Pyrus in search of a legendary artefact that might save them all. The trouble is, it's been hidden by ancient priests and is guarded by an unspeakable horror. Norris discovers that he's even worse at preventing universal cataclysms than he ever was at selling Galvanised Tubing. So when things start to go pear-shaped, Norris needs all the help he can get.