A word on Onanism: Masturbation is a glorious activity which will keep you young and full of vigor. This little masturbatory compendium is full of wonderful nuggets to spice up your speech when it comes to polishing the pontiff, or dating Hannie Palmer. No longer will you be tongue-tied when Mumsie asks what you've been up to. "Why Mumsie, I've merely been dragging myself to Hell, one hand's breadth at a time." Give it some time and a copy of this book and even Mumsie might come back and tell you she's been "doing her fingernail board work." So wank away