The Clangers want to smuggle screech into Mars. The cops want to stop them. The huggies want to save the Martian environment. The native Paubaubau want to protect their sacred waffle paddies. The waffle gods want to preserve the interdimensional gateway. Javelin Praecox just wants to wash dishes. But first he has to escape the Clangers, avoid the police, deal with the huggies, survive life with the native Martians, and navigate the layers of Waffle Consciousness. But what good is it to be a drug mule, outlaw, guru, warrior, or ambassador if he never gets to work on the second planet along his goal of dishing on every inhabited world in the solar system?