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Childless Living: The Joys and Challenges of Life without Children de Lisette Schuitemaker

Childless Living: The Joys and Challenges of Life without Children: Findhorn Press

Autor Lisette Schuitemaker
en Limba Engleză Paperback – 21 mar 2019

Cititorul care parcurge Childless Living va descoperi o perspectivă eliberatoare asupra succesului personal, definit nu prin descendență, ci prin scop și împlinire individuală. Suntem de părere că această lucrare depășește simpla dezbatere între alegere și circumstanță, oferind un cadru solid pentru a înțelege cum se construiește o viață plină de sens în afara normelor parentale tradiționale. Lisette Schuitemaker propune o explorare intimă, bazată pe interviuri cu persoane de toate vârstele, demonstrând că absența copiilor nu echivalează cu o viață incompletă, ci cu o reconfigurare a priorităților și a timpului.

Structura narativă este organizată metaforic în jurul anotimpurilor vieții. „Primăvara” analizează dilemele tinereții și presiunea socială, „Vara” se concentrează pe acțiune, carieră și relații, în timp ce „Toamna” aduce în prim-plan înțelepciunea și moștenirea simbolică pe care o lăsăm în urmă. Această progresie oferă o viziune de ansamblu asupra întregului parcurs biografic. Ca și How to Be Childless de Rachel Chrastil, lucrarea de față pune accent pe validarea istorică și filosofică a acestui stil de viață, dar cu un stil propriu, mult mai ancorat în psihologia practică și în experiențele subiective ale celor intervievați.

În contextul operei sale, Childless Living continuă interesul autoarei pentru dinamica familială început în The Eldest Daughter Effect. Dacă în lucrarea anterioară analiza modul în care ordinea nașterii ne dictează personalitatea, aici Lisette Schuitemaker investighează ce se întâmplă atunci când decidem să ieșim din tiparul generațional. Rezultatul este un portret sociologic cald, care tratează cu sensibilitate subiecte dificile precum singurătatea sau regretul, dar care celebrează, în final, autonomia și libertatea de a alege o cale neconvențională.

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Specificații

ISBN-13: 9781620558386
ISBN-10: 1620558386
Pagini: 240
Dimensiuni: 152 x 229 x 15 mm
Greutate: 0.4 kg
Editura: Inner Traditions/Bear & Company
Colecția Findhorn Press
Seria Findhorn Press

De ce să citești această carte

Această carte este o resursă esențială pentru oricine a ales sau a ajuns pe drumul non-parentalității și caută o confirmare a faptului că viața sa are o valoare intrinsecă. Cititorul câștigă o nouă narațiune despre sine, una în care autonomia și libertatea sunt piloni ai fericirii. Este un ghid practic pentru a naviga relațiile cu familia extinsă și pentru a găsi împlinire prin mentorat, prietenie și proiecte personale.

Despre autor

Lisette Schuitemaker este o scriitoare și cercetătoare pasionată de dinamica relațiilor umane și de dezvoltarea personală. Este cunoscută la nivel internațional pentru lucrarea sa „The Eldest Daughter Effect”, unde a analizat trăsăturile comune ale femeilor lider care ocupă prima poziție în ordinea nașterii. Cu o formare în psihoterapie și comunicare, Schuitemaker reușește să combine rigoarea cercetării cu o abordare empatică. În lucrările sale publicate de Findhorn Press, ea explorează teme legate de identitate, roluri sociale și modul în care ne putem trăi viața cu autenticitate, indiferent de așteptările societății.

Descriere scurtă

An exploration of the self-fulfilling lives of people who, by chance or choice, have no children of their own

Not having children is on the rise in many countries across the globe. August 1st has been named International Childfree Day, with a Childfree Woman and Man of the Year Award. Yet being childless is a subject not much talked about--the focus tends to be on having families and raising children, in rural, town, or city life. Let’s talk about not having children, about what people like us do with our time, about how we spend our money, and--most of all--how we find purpose and fulfilment in our lives.

Never attracted to family life herself, Lisette Schuitemaker began openly discussing why people didn’t have children and how that was for them, resulting in intimate conversations with childless women and men and surprising insights. Inspired to delve further, she interviewed non-parenting people aged 19 to 91 across the globe. She found that no story was like the other and that many had been waiting to be listened to with sensitivity. 

This book is for everyone who has not gone the way of parenthood, who has close family or friends who lead self-directed lives without offspring, and for all those who are still contemplating this essential life choice. The stories in this book also testify that not having children of your own in no way means the joys (and trials) of children pass you by altogether.

Notă biografică

With a master’s degree in the Classics, Lisette Schuitemaker started and sold her own communications agency and then obtained a BSc in Brennan Healing Science, working as a healer and coach. She is Chair of Trustees of the Findhorn Foundation in Scotland and a happily childless aunt of eleven. The author of The Childhood Conclusions Fix and co-author of The Eldest Daughter Effect, Lisette lives and works in Amsterdam, the Netherlands.

Extras

Chapter 1. The Dilemma

She has come straight from work, eager to talk to me about the topic of not having children. Not yet for her, she says--maybe later; potentially, never at all. How to decide? How to know what will give true fulfilment in life? How to realize what is meant to be?

I pour tea and let her catch her breath, but she is on a roll.

“A friend of mine has never wanted children, nor has her partner. When they say this out loud in our group of friends, they are met with an icy silence. Those who are trying for children turn away, singles raise their eyebrows, people who just had a baby look offended, and no one really knows how to start the conversation again. Yet I feel some envy, for they seem to have this clear-cut idea of their future. I waver in view of the momentous decision whether or not to have children, because it will colour my life forever.”

She takes a small sip and frowns whilst I remain silent, allowing her to think her own thoughts, marvelling at how we can’t predict what will arise in another person.

“I think I would love to have the experience of being pregnant,” she says eventually, “but with so much to do and to discover, this doesn’t really rank high on my priority list. Also, of course, after nine months of pregnancy, there is a lifetime of worry and care about another human being.”

She shudders involuntarily, and I am not sure if she notices this physical reaction to her own words, before she continues.

“I wonder if, later in life, I will regret not having children. I also question if I am even capable of having a child and a partner and a job. I don’t know how people do it. Can we have it all? I don’t think so, to be honest. Yet, wouldn’t it be great if we could?”

Having put her cards on the table, she looks at me questioningly, this young woman. Clearly, she wants to hear how I who have no children look back on my life, now that children of my friends start to have children of their own.

“I do not envy my friends who become grandparents one bit,” I can truthfully say to her. “I just see the whole child circus start over again, and whilst I note my friends’ deep pride and joy and begrudge them none of it, not one little smidgen, I am delighted to be able to go my own way, unhampered by granny days.”

I pour more tea, always more tea--pu-erh this evening, cultivated high in the mountains of Taiwan, pressed into compact tablets, brought down on muleback, shipped all over the globe, sold in a small shop here in Amsterdam, now fragrant in our cups. I think of the tea farmers and their daughters and sons, who may not have the wide array of choices that the young woman across from me at the kitchen table and I have. They may be destined to marry someone who is willing to toil the land of their forebears and procreate so there will be new hands to pick the leaves.

Across the globe, the freedom to choose what will define our lives is vastly different. We who have many options open to us often suffer from stress, because this freedom brings with it a responsibility of being a good judge of what fits us best. We cannot blame our parents or the system for forcing our hand. The choice about how we lead our lives is up to us, so we had better get it right. At least, this is how it seems.

Another angle is that we do not lead our life, but follow it. Lately, I have been working with the image of an inner film reel. In the old days, when films were not shot digitally but truly on film, they would come in large round tins and be projected at the back of the movie theatre by an operator. In the 1960s, when my young father showed his home movies to us, all ready for bed in our pajamas, the small projector would make a purring sound as the pins passed through the perforations moving the reel along. That was until one got stuck, and before our eyes, the material would melt, and my father would quickly stop the machine, take the film out, cut the damaged piece out and, with lips pursed, glue the two ends together with a special little device. We would sit still, not utter a word, lest he lose his concentration and we our evening entertainment and late bedtime.

Being of that age, I still picture the inner film reel as a band of celluloid with the essential ingredients for our life on it. We bring the images to life when we let the light of our heart shine through like the warm lamp of the projector. The more we are able to open our hearts, the brighter the light can shine and the more colour we are able to bring to our own lives and that of others.

The film reel, however, has a certain width. It is my job to stay within the projected bandwidth. This width defines the scope of who I am meant to be and what I am meant to do. Whenever I stray outside of the projection, I move into the dark. I become irritable, then unhappy, as I grope my way outside the path lit by the lamp of my heart. I don’t feel good in my own skin. My energy becomes heavy because I need to manufacture it all myself, now that I am disconnected from the source of my being, the universal life force. I need to get back to centre somehow, back to where the light shines through life as it is meant for me to live.

Cuprins

Introduction 7

Spring
Promise and Potential
1. The Dilemma
2. The Inner Film
3. Nieces and Nephews
4. A Positive Choice
5. Head, Heart, and Hormones
6. My Spring
7. Wanting a Different Life
8. The Parental Scale
9. Sign of the Times
10. The Birth of the Pill
11. Many Ways of Living
12. No Reasons Needed
13. Key Qualities: Unconventional and Autonomous

Summer
Growth and Action
14. Becoming Who We Are
15. Life Choices
16. Other Things to Do
17. When It Doesn’t Happen
18. A New Narrative
19. My Summer
20. The Selfish Question
21. Enough unto Ourselves
22. The Single Life
23. Finding New Friends
24. Aunting and Uncling
25. A Better Answer
26. Key Qualities: Self-Starting, Self-Directed, and Self-Sufficient

Autumn
Harvest and Reflection
27. Being Present
28. Wisdom Years
29. Our Parents Revisited
30. Thank You, Pioneers
31. My Autumn
32. A One-on-One Relationship
33. Children in Our Lives
34. The Big M
35. Taking Our Losses
36. The Issue of Regret
37. Time on Our Hands
38. Key Quality: Self-Fulfilling

Winter
Contemplation and Completion
39. A Life Worth Living
40. Leaving a Legacy
41. Our Will
42. Polar Opposites
43. Elder Orphans
44. My Winter
45. Getting Ready to Go

A List of Books
A Big Thank You
About the Author

Recenzii

“So many girls and young women are still growing up in a culture of assumed motherhood. This important book draws a line under that presumption. It helps us take an important step toward an egalitarian world where we are free to decide not only what’s best for ourselves but also what’s best for the planet--and each other.”
“A colorful, comprehensive, and nuanced treatment of a complex subject, this book brings a new depth nd perspective and helps to liberate childless living from outdated social stereotypes.”
"In Childless Living, Lisette Schuitemaker creatively takes readers through the seasonsof the lives of those who have no children by choice or circumstance and offers worthyinsights for fulfilling life journeys that don’t include parenthood. It will inspire rumination and reflection, no matter what season of life you’re in!"
“As most of her work, this latest offering of Lisette Schuitemaker is an affront to conventional thinking. She offers a radical reformulation of what is described, in many cultures, as ‘a curse,’ as ‘lacking,’ or ‘a barrenness.’ She challenges definitions of women asguarantors of reproductivity and as responsible for the continuation of the tribe at theexpense of choice. Instead, courageously, she hugely expands our understanding of generativity as a choiceful and joyful embracing of what circumstance or biology seeminglyimposes upon all women. Highly recommended.”
“Thank you, Lisette Schuitemaker, for the fascinating research in Childless Living that provides social and cultural context for decisions I made in my 20s not to have children.It’s like reading the story no one has ever asked me to tell about my childless self--through the four seasons of my life. I am so reassured by the final metaphor of endinglife as Open Space. It delights and inspires me for being true to the choices I have made.”
“I was literally there when the seed of Childless Living was germinated and witnessedthe tingle of its upsurge of intention and creativity begin to flow. This is what this wonderful book, I feel, is about. To show us that whether or not we give biological birth tochildren, if we live our lives with purpose we give birth in many other ways--to creativeventures and in a wide range of roles, including as caregivers, custodians, nurturers,encouragers, inspirers, role models, and even soul models.”
“Whether as aunts and uncles leading a ‘childfull’ life with nieces and nephews or by living a fulfilling life despite how we imagined it, Lisette Schuitemaker’s Childless Living is an ode to discovering and celebrating the joy of life no matter the choices, circumstances,and challenges we face when our desire for parenthood is in question--and questionedby others.”
“This book provides new insights into the choices and circumstances of the ‘childless’and ‘childfree’ as we navigate through the seasons of life. More importantly, it paves theway for much-needed conversations on how we are challenging and negotiating astraightjacketed normative world, just by being ourselves. As a single woman, viewingmy own life choices and experiences in the larger frame of ‘childless living,’ this bookgives me greater confidence, courage, and conviction in my own life journey … knowingthat there is a larger solidarity despite our seemingly solitary journeys.”
“This unique ‘seasonal’ approach to living a childless life reveals insight into aspects ofchoice-making entwined with life conditions accompanied by a spectrum of personal andsocietal implications often uncomfortable to voice and examine publicly. Personally, I wasreaffirmed knowing that I was not as much of ‘a renegade’ as I had been thinking. Generally, Lisette Schuitemaker opens a portal for a societal inquiry: How are ‘childless’ livesenriched through diverse expressions of pro-creativity, and how might those uniqueindividual chosen expressions be comparably enriching to societal and humanpotentials?”
“Lisette Schuitemaker’s best book yet! Childless Living brings sunshine and fresh air tothis often dank and stifled topic. With flowing vibrancy, her light touch, and thoroughinquiry, the author brings new possibility to the tender path of living childless. Read itand be nourished, be inspired, and experience that life is richer than you thought. Thankyou for this precious gift, for childless women and men and all of us.”
“Childless Living is a beautifully crafted and wisely written book addressing an ever-growing section of our society, which has traditionally been looked down upon as lacking. As the real-life examples based on rigorous research by the author show, life is notless for not having had children. I wish this book had been around when I was needingsome clear guidance that I was not weird for feeling ambivalent about having children.It would have saved me many hours of therapy!”
“This book by Lisette Schuitemaker is a reaffirmation of the fact that there are thosewilling to carve out a life of their own and that it is completely fine to do so, just like itis completely fine to want to go through the usual set patterns. It is a ray of hope forthose souls who may not be joined by nations but by beliefs--the most basic of whichis free will that allows you to make decisions for yourself. It is also a great reminder ofthe fact that individuals make choices depending on their circumstances.”
"A unique and groundbreaking contribution to a critically important and fully contemporary social issue, "Childless Living: The Joys and Challenges of Life without Children" is an impressively articulate and exceptionally well presented study."
"Steeped in thoughtful research, this intimate portrait of childless living would serve as a valuable sociological tool for understanding family structures as well as a guide for readers considering the childfree option."