Bm's Gift

Red Burtley, a private investigator, is hired by a topflight New York ad agency to investigate some lost presentation materials that are desperately needed for an upcoming meeting with a very important client with a very lucrative account on the line. Will Burtley save the day? Will he expose the culprit by the closing deadline? Burtley counts on his wits and sage advice from Pete Pevers. When he's not getting yelled by Alan Furtz, the agency's namesake, he's finding clues with the help of B.M., Melvin Mildeau and Philip Hairynipple.

Excerpts:

"Have you ever had your driver's license suspended?" I asked.

"No," he said.

"Have you ever been stopped by the law for speeding, failing to stop at a red light, or hitting a tree because you were distracted by your grandmother farting in the backseat and eating nachos?"

He looked at me quizzically and said, "No."