I've been called a "badass cop" throughout my career but the truth is that isn't the real me - at least, not how I've ever viewed myself. Behind that veneer there has always been an insecure little girl who struggled to find her way in life. I was in search of strength and self-confidence when I entered my law enforcement career, but I ended up suffering new traumas that I was ill prepared to cope with.
I struggled to find success in the tough, gritty, male dominated world of policing. I faced biases, repeated layoffs, and became a seasoned undercover officer working as a prostitute, drug addict, and thief.
I left law enforcement and returned to college, where education and research offered me enlightenment to the realities of policing that I was too submerged into the subculture to see. I was forced to come to grips with the many mistakes and misconceptions I made while working as a police officer and only now do I understand how institutional biases are perpetuating many of the same mistakes I made in policing today.