How do you get away with murder? Simon Cheese thinks he's worked it out, as long as he sticks to the rules: 1.Don't have a criminal record. 2.Don't have a motive. 3.Under no circumstances kill someone you know. (And don't, whatever you do, let your wife know what you're up to.) With a little planning, it should be easy. Why, then, do things keep going wrong? Is it because of Simon's vicious nemesis, the Weasel? Is it because of his foolish pursuit of the beautiful Lady Milston? Or is it simply because Simon's not as clever as he thinks he is? Or maybe you just shouldn't try to kill someone when you've got a bad back.