The last person to ‘pass’ White Australia’s Dictation Test did so in 1907 by submitting a watercolour entitled ‘Advance Australia Fair. For the next 50 years of its existence the thereafter more carefully trained officials ensured no one ever passed again. Here is detailed how the White Australia Policy came to have a fake test of dictation at the heart of its administration. Beginning as an inspired piece of hypocrisy designed to preserve the semblance of imperial equality, in the hands of the early Commonwealth of Australia this ‘education test’ quickly evolved into a test it was impossible to pass.