These epistolary reflections and observations were largely completed between January 2001 and February 2005. Some updates and rewrites were added as an afterthought, more for the sake of completion than anything else. They record a dire period when I was close to the edge in every sense of the word. It was a perfect shit storm of betrayal, heavy drinking and working dangerous amounts of overtime. These and other factors embittered and whittled me down as the abyss looked soberly into my being. I contemplated the end of days and despaired of life on a semi-regular basis. All this while in pursuit of a dream that rapidly degenerated into nothing short of an exercise in stupidity and self-destruction. If nothing else it might serve as a warning to others not to follow in my folly. Old loves are best remembered not revisited. Just let go of the past and move on.