Alphatorts are first and foremost created to be fun and whimsical. Beyond the whimsy however, alphatorts are designed to facilitate critical thinking in the arena of language, and vocabulary expansion. This is supremely relevant and needed in our age of warp speed communication technology, wherein we take more and more shortcuts (omg; lol) and use monochromatic vocabulary. We are losing the refined art of language within communication. So, what exactly is an alphatort? Well, it is a sentence, or two or three, that uses each letter of the alphabet, in order, with grammatical and contextual coherence. O.k., one can take a little license with the contextual coherence (a little, not excessively so, for this often provides the fun). It forces the writer and reader to work for meaning in an often light and fun way. It becomes enzymatic for the reader in the process of expanding critical language and vocabulary development. The alphatorts within this compilation are for kids of all ages, allowing for a minimal foundation of language construction and vocabulary development likely to be found among most students by the second grade. Alphatorts can be calibrated for other ages as well, and can range from the silly, to the poetic, and the sublime.