Excerpt: Portland is your hipster boyfriend with a tongue ring, the one who is always stoned, the guy who can't be counted on for a commitment. Kalamazoo is the boyfriend who gets drunk, smashes your possessions, and steals your laptop so he can sell it to buy crack. Chicago was your first boyfriend. He's still standing in the yard of his four-flat, grilling something. Tacoma is much smarter than he looks, and that is a big part of his appeal. Seattle won't even answer your calls. -- Cities Where You've Lived as Boyfriends.